Establishing Rhythms of Rest - Is it Okay to "Rot" or Lounge in Bed?
By Eleanor McGlinchey, PhD
I have been treating people for sleep difficulties for over 15 years. In that time there have been specific “rules” that sleep-focused clinicians follow to help patients sleep better. However, recently, I have been thinking more and more about rest. It is similar and different from sleep, but I think it’s equally important to include in any conversation about sleep and mental health.
A definition of rest
First, it’d be helpful for me to define what I mean by rest. I define rest as intentional time taken away from work and other daily functioning activities. This will look different for every person. My views on rest are heavily influenced by the Nap Ministry, created by writer/artist and activist Tricia Hersey. Hersey proposes that rest is an embodied practice that goes beyond naps and relaxation. Her work reminds us that we are human beings, not machines. When we rest we remember that we are not simply what we do or produce. Rather, we are unique beings in the world who deserve to treat our bodies with dignity.
Why is it so hard to rest?
Sleep is a part of rest. But unlike sleep where inevitably we’ll get drowsy at the end of the day and fall asleep (sometimes even if we don’t choose to) - it takes very intentional practice and boundaries to incorporate rest into our rhythms and routines.
There may be a lot of reasons that you find it difficult to proactively rest. You may be in a new life stage or struggle with self-imposed perfectionistic expectations that keep you on the go. However, let’s also acknowledge that if you are a person of color or have an invisible identity that necessitates recovery time (e.g., a disability), you’ve had to confront questions about being good enough or laziness stereotypes that discourage rest. In fact, these experiences often strengthen internalized beliefs that you can’t rest or lounge in bed, or that there are negative implications if people discover that you do. It’s a systemic injustice. We can unlearn these beliefs together by supporting each other’s rest practices, knowing that it is for our individual and collective good. In fact, it seems that even machines are at their best when they rest.
What about sleep hygiene - shouldn’t my bed be for only sleep or sex?
What does this have to do with treating sleep problems? In every book or article on CBT-I (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia), there will be a section on what’s known as stimulus control. Many people have now heard the first instruction of this sleep improvement technique - use your bed for sleep (and sex) only. This can be a good first step for someone who has developed chronic insomnia or who may have developed a habit of getting into their bed early in the evening in the hopes that spending excessive time in bed will lead to more sleep time. Decades of research has shown that for individuals with insomnia, being awake in bed can lead to conditioned arousal, whereby your body will start to associate being in bed with being awake, alert and often frustrated. That same individual might feel they are drifting off while watching TV on the couch, only to have their body buzzing with alertness the moment they get into bed. Similarly, someone might develop conditioned arousal associated with their bed if they spend time doing many activities in bed in the evening prior to trying to fall asleep, like eating, catching up on emails or watching TV. The guidance we have about stimulus control is meant to address the issues that often arise for someone who struggles to fall asleep.
Feeling bad about lounging in bed
I have noticed an unintended consequence when we rigidly subscribe to the general instruction that our beds are to be blanketly avoided while we are awake (pun intended). It has led some to believe our beds are not something to be relished and enjoyed. For otherwise relatively good sleepers, guilt or shame is attached if you enjoy lounging in bed, and for some people with sleep difficulties, it seems to be associated with a belief that any rest will be detrimental to their sleep.
In either case, the bigger issue is that people end up feeling as though they can leave no room for rest. Unfortunately, a capitalistic “sleep when you die”mentality and our all too common grind culture doesn’t help either.
Should we “hurkle durkle” or not?
I was recently interviewed by the New York Times about a related topic – the so-called hurkle-durkle, “bed rot” and encouragement to hibernate in bed, currently trending on social media. All of these trends promote lounging in bed, for various durations of time and with a range of instructions. What is clear from the videos and comments is that there is shame and guilt associated with lounging in bed. So how much time in bed is too much time in bed?
Sorry (not sorry) for the very “therapist” answer, but it depends. As I mentioned already in the interview, taking some time to at the beginning of your day by lounging in bed after you wake up could be a great way to ease into your day. Overall, I often encourage the patients I work with to develop a wake-up routine that gives them some agency over how their day starts. It really can set the tone and if lounging in bed is part of that routine, then I think it can be helpful rather than harmful.
However, I might encourage someone to pull back on the bed lounging if they routinely find that they fall back to sleep and then run late on their daytime plans or feel they spent so much time in bed that it starts to negatively impact their mood. Similarly, for the concept of “bed rotting”, whereby someone spends a whole day or weekend in bed in order to combat burnout from the week, I would encourage someone to evaluate what purpose the bed rot is serving. If you consistently find "bed rot" appealing, it might be that you are at risk of burnout and may be better served by making small changes to your week to preserve your energy instead of a recovery focus. If you want to try staying in bed for the day, then do it on purpose and don't feel bad about it. On the other hand, if you notice that you’re feeling depressed, anxious, or less functional after a whole day or weekend in bed, you may need to pull back on the bed rotting.
Four ways to test how lounging in bed can work for you
If the idea of intentionally resting through lounging in bed interests you, here are a few ways you can test what works for you.
1. Have a plan.
Be mindful and proactive - plan out some guilt free time to lounge in bed. Decide on things like when and for how long. Prior to the bed lounge, ask yourself how you think you’ll feel by spending this time in bed. How relaxed, stressed, fatigued, sad, anxious, invigorated do you think you’ll feel?
2. Plan what you’ll do after lounging in bed.
Relatedly, plan what you’ll do after the time spent in bed. Will you make other plans? Or will you let the day become night and then go to sleep? After you do get out of bed, check again how you feel. How relaxed, stressed, fatigued, sad, anxious, invigorated did you actually feel? An intentional and honest check-in is key to discovering what is truly restful and helpful to you.
3. Experiment with your lounging.
Try this a few times and then plan a contrasting set of activities to try a few times. This doesn’t have to be drastically different. It could be that you just try lounging on the couch instead of in bed or could be as different as going for a run first thing in the morning. Whatever you do differently, compare and contrast how you feel and see if this helps you assess what you really need to do to feel rejuvenated and ready for the day or week.
4. Talk to a mental health or sleep professional.
If you are struggling to suss out what might be a sleep problem, an anxiety or mood problem, or a stress and burnout problem, it might be time to talk to a therapist or sleep professional. They can help you establish a routine that works for you and balance your desires to spend time in bed with the practices that best support your mental health. It may be useful to have an outside perspective on the season of life that you’re in (e.g., a particularly stressful period at work, winter, transition to a new apartment, etc.) and clarify what bed lounging practices make the most sense for you. Remember that what works for you in one season of life isn’t permanent and can always evolve to suit your needs.
About the Author: Dr. McGlinchey does not have a TikTok account but enjoys following the hurkle-durkle trend. She has been known to engage in the occasional season of hurkle-durkling, but is currently enjoying a rest practice based on long slow walks at sunset and reading YA fiction.